Just wanted to tell you how much I love you!!! And I am extremely proud of you!!! I miss you first and foremost. Just felt like writing to you and saying a few things that are deep in my soul. I have loved you forever and for all eternity. I wanted you before you were born. I don’t blame you for being distant with me. It’s not your fault. I blame myself. I was not mentally present when you were born. I was deeply depressed while I was pregnant with you. And just 6 months after you were born, I had my first and worst ever nervous breakdown. I’m not going to go into all the details of what happened and what pushed me over the edge. That is in the past. I just want you to know I am sorry for not being the mother you deserved. I should have held you more, kissed you more, played with you more, especially when you were a baby. I was a lost soul….I have many regrets. The biggest regret I have is that I did not appreciate the gift that God gave me, “You”!! I was so deeply depressed and it made me very selfish. I was too busy thinking about myself, my anger over what happened to me with the religion, my anger at my own mother, and my lost dreams because of it all. I was so mentally ill that I could barely take care of myself. I was so ashamed of myself because of my illness and not being able to work during that time. I prayed so hard over the years for God to help me get better and for me to see things clearly. I had to search deep and hard because I was so confused about religion and what the truth really is. I never gave up my faith in God and never blamed him for the religion that was pushed on me. Anyway, I am so grateful and thankful that I never gave up. Although many times the depression was so deep, I wanted to. But I am so thankful I never did!!! I got better and better over time. As I look back, it’s hard to believe how far I have come considering what I have been thru. I just wanted you to know that I understand if you have anger towards me or pain because of me. I am so very sorry for this!!! I never meant to hurt you. I am so very sorry for causing your life to be harder than it should have been. If I could go back in time and be the happy healthier version of my true self, I would have been more present in your life mentally and emotionally. But I cannot go back in time and change what happened. Whatever emotional wounds I have caused you, I pray that you forgive me! Don’t carry that inside. You need to heal as well. I learned alot from what I have been thru. Some have said that everything happens for a reason. Who knows? The best I can do with what I have learned is to share it with others to help other people who suffer like I have in hopes that they can heal too. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, not to mention extremely intelligent. I am proud to call you my child. You are such a strong woman. Stop and think what you have accomplished all on your own. You are on your own journey in this life, just as we all are. And life is not easy for anyone. We all have our ups and downs. Just remember, no matter how hard it gets at times to never give up! It will get better. Tomorrow is another day. And there is someone or something out there that hears our prayers. Stay positive and enjoy your life!! You can do what ever you want with it. Do what makes you happy!

I love you so much!!!
Mama😚

Into a well
She did fall
So very deep
So very far
On her knees
She began to pray
Over and over
Every day
Years went by
She had no choice
Because she thought
No one heard her voice

So she climbed slowly up the well

Hoping to reach the top

To escape her Hell

Then one night it appeared

From far away
It she feared
She closed her eyes
For it was bright
And so very very white
This shinning light
What could it be?
An angel heard her
Finally

Poem by dmkbfly

I Am Drowning

“I finally made it to the top without drowning. I can breathe now. As I look around though, I see everyone else is drowning too. I try to save them but they all start trying to hold onto me. I feel myself going down again.

I cannot let this happen. I must save myself first. I must swim to the boat. They need to learn to swim. They are like a child who is holding onto their parent and is afraid to let go. Do not worry. I will not let you drown. I will throw you a life jacket before that happens.”

This is an allegorical story I wrote to explain how it feels when you are trying to solve everyone else’s problems. You cannot help everyone. You must help yourself first. Only then will you have the strength to help others. If someone is pulling you down in life, separate yourself from them. For only they can help themselves.

dMk.Butterfly

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