I wanted to share how the butterfly became an important symbol to me. The butterfly has an interesting beginning in my life.
At a time when I was very lost, I became a stripper. As I look back, I see a different person than who I am today. It is so hard for me to believe that I am the same person than the lost girl from my youth.
At a very low time in my life, I choose to dance for money. I got a job stripping in East St Louis, which is on the wrong side of the tracks across the bridge from St Louis Missouri in Illinois. It is a very bad part of town.
I was recently divorced at that time and was looking for a job in the newspaper, back before the internet and cell phones. First, I circled the ad under Art Museum. They were looking for tour guides at the art museum. Just under that was the wanted ad for dancers. I always wanted to be a real dancer. But I never thought of stripping. I thought, how bad can it be? I wanted to be a showgirl, a burlesque performer like Liza Minnelli in that New York musical Cabaret.
Long story short, I got the job to say the least. It was at a raunchy place in Brooklyn Illinois called Fantasy Land. Alot of the girls were black girls and I was one of the few white ones. That place was different than alot of the other strip bars in East St Louis. Girls danced completely nude. No g-strings or t-bars or tastles to cover the nipples.
One man said my vagina was beautiful like a flower. Then he said no, not like a flower, but like a butterfly; hence the name butterfly.
Not long after that, I started collecting butterflies. I became interested in learning what butterflies represent. They represent freedom and happiness as well as metamorphosis.
From then on, the butterfly became important in my life because it represented the two things I wanted most in my life, my freedom and to be happy. As a result, later in my life came the metamorphosis or change within myself.
Not long after the incident where I saw white light (which is an experience I wrote about in another blog post on my blog here), I had an experience at my mom’s farm where I sat in a field of flowers in her front yard and butterflies landed on me and were flying all around everywhere; every kind of winged butterfly, bees, dragon flies, etc.. I’ll never forget it…
Then years later, I went to a metaphysical store looking for a white crystal which represents spiritual enlightenment and while I was there, I was looking at greeting cards on a circular spindle and came across the photo that reminded me of me sitting in the field of butterflies. It was so strange to see this fairy in a field of butterflies? I thought, wow, I experienced that!
I bought the card and saved it. Years later, I found the image online. I posted the very photo of it for this story.
Anyway, so many strange experiences I have had on my journey in this life I want to share.
I hope in time, after awhile of blogging and collecting my memories, to write a book about my journey in life thus far.
What a metamorphosis it has been to say the least. So many things I have learned and am continuing to learn on my journey thru this life.
I have come along way from where I was back then. I have healed so much. I still have some healing to do. Or at this point in my life I can call it growth.
We all can heal, grow,
and change our lives for the better.